Introduction
Parenting is full of everyday stresses. Parents of toddlers can find life challenging because their children are always on the go and need to be so closely monitored.
Below, you’ll learn about the importance of self-regulation, find examples of how you might react to typical toddler behaviours, and explore how to stay calm while keeping up with your busy toddler.
Taking care of yourself
Parenting is full of everyday stresses. Parents of toddlers can find life challenging because their children are always on the go and need to be so closely monitored. You can find other situations create stress too—at home, at work or other family demands. How you manage this stress is important for your emotional and physical health. It’s also important for what you’re teaching your children.
When you self-regulate, you recognize that your stress response has been set off and you know what to do to calm yourself. You’re able to:
- recognize that you’re feeling stressed
- name your emotions
- calm your body’s response to stress
- shift your thinking to cope with the situation
- calmly solve the problem or take care of yourself
Here is an example. You and your toddler are trying to get out of the house in the morning. You go to buckle your child into their car seat and they yell “No!”, throw out their arms and legs, and turn their body as stiff as a board.
How does your body feel? Are your muscles tense? Is your breathing and heart rate faster? Are you feeling furious that this is going to make you late for work? If you are, your stress response has been triggered.
There are two ways that you might react:
- Get mad, force your child into their car seat, drive your screaming child to day care, then feel terrible for the rest of your day.
- Take a moment to self-regulate. In this moment, you recognize that your stress response has been set off by the way your body feels. These signs are like a yellow traffic light that warns you to stop and take steps to slow down. You tell yourself, “I’m feeling really frustrated because this is going to take too long and I’m going to be late,” and you calm your body’s response.
Calming yourself will help activate the ‘thinking part’ of your brain. Now you can think, “What does my child need right now?” and remember that toddlers like to do things by themselves. You say to your child, “I wonder if you could snap the buckle in today?” Your toddler hops on to their seat, puts on the straps, tries to buckle up and asks you to help. You have worked together to solve the problem, and your toddler has avoided a tantrum.
When you hear that satisfying click, you celebrate together. And best of all, you’ll both have a much better day.
Self-regulation is an important life skill for you and your child. Role modelling and supporting your toddler to learn this skill will help them throughout their life. Learn more about self-regulation.
“Cherish the good and the bad. All phases pass and will be missed.”
~Xiu, mom of a preschooler
Life with a busy toddler
Every stage of your child’s life will bring new joys and challenges. You’re always learning new skills as a parent. You may find it challenging to keep up with your busy toddler. At times, you may get upset and find it hard to stay calm. Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re stressed. Once you know the signs, you can start to respond to them. Let these signs of stress be your signal, like a yellow traffic light, that warns you to stop and take steps to calm down. Your toddler will be calmer when you stay calm.
Here are a few suggestions that may help:
- Breathe. Take a deep breath and slowly release it to a count of 10. Concentrate on what you really want for your child or on something you’re thankful for.
- Be positive. Think about how your toddler is growing, learning and discovering.
- Understand. Toddlers don’t know their limits yet. They’re still learning what they can and cannot do. In their minds, grandma’s new lipstick is just another crayon. Remember, your child is learning from you. If you punish or hit them when they act out or get upset, they’ll learn to do this to others when they have a problem. Understanding toddlers’ typical growth and development will help you better support them at each stage.
- Take a break. All parents need a little help sometimes. Before you get to a point that you can no longer cope, ask a relative, friend or caregiver to give you a break. If you’re alone with your child, put them in a safe place like their crib and leave the room for a few minutes to calm down.
- Look after yourself. Parents of toddlers are often stressed because their children are always on the go and need to be closely monitored all the time. Try this relaxation technique.
- Ask for help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talk to your partner or other support people. You can also call Health Link at 811 or talk with your health care provider for support.
“With kids it’s easy to have higher highs and lower lows, but it’s worth the ride.”
~Marco, dad of two children
“Toddlers are so much fun. I find it so satisfying to see them learn to run and talk and sing. I don’t miss the baby stage at all. I love seeing them explore everything around them. My favourite memory is of my daughter walking in the leaves and laughing at the crunching sound it made. Those little moments are so amazing and are really the reason why we decided to have kids.”
~Justin, dad of one child