Introduction
Your toddler is changing every day. They are using more words, they are starting to use their hands and minds to build and create, and they have strong emotions.
On this page, you’ll learn how you can encourage your toddler’s language and communication and how, with your help, your toddler can learn to better understand and talk about their strong emotions. You may have seen that your toddler is starting to notice other children. Find ideas for play and learn what to expect as your toddler learns social skills, including how to play with others.
Communication
Your toddler is starting to use more and more words. At first they’ll learn new words slowly. Once your toddler is about 2 years old, they’ll learn new words at a faster rate until they have a word for almost everything—it’s like an explosion of language. You’ll be surprised at the words they can say and all of the things they can talk about. By the time your toddler is 3 years old, their words will also be easier to understand. They’ll be able to tell you what they did during their day and talk about things that interest them.
Young toddlers will:
- Use words to greet people, ask for what they want and comment on what they like
- Tell you when they don’t like something by shaking their head and saying “No” or “Not.”
- Use one word for a whole thought such as “Shoe,” to mean, “Those are my shoes,” or “I need my shoes,” or “I don’t want to wear my shoes.”
- Follow simple directions, like “Bring mommy your shoes.”
- Answer simple questions such as, “Do you want a drink of water?” or “Where’s your blanket?”
Once your toddler knows about 50 words, it will be easier for you to understand what they say. Then, they’ll start to use them in 2-word sentences, such as “More cracker,” or “Mommy, go.”
Your toddler needs you to listen and talk with them so they can learn to understand and use new words in short sentences. Here are some things you can do to encourage their language and communication:
- Add to what your child has said and they’ll start talking in longer phrases. If they say “Daddy,” use it in a short sentence like “Daddy’s home now.”
- Repeat what your child says correctly— without telling them they said it wrong. You can also stress the word a bit in your sentence. For example, if they say “Dama,” say “Yes, that’s grandma. You love grandma.”
- Wait after asking a question or making a comment. Your toddler needs time to put their thoughts and ideas into words.
- Ask questions that keep the conversation going. Open-ended questions such as “What happened?” or “What could we do now?” let children answer with more words. Try to use them more often. Closed-ended questions like, “Did you do that?” or “Do you want this?” will be answered with one word like “Yes” or “No.” These don’t encourage conversation—try to use them less often.
- Join in and play with your toddler. Talk about what you’re playing with while you play.
- Read books and sing songs. Read your toddler’s favourite book many times as they will learn new things every time they read it. Talk about how books relate to their experiences. If you read a book about a farm, you could say, “Do you remember when we saw the kittens at uncle and auntie’s farm?”
Talk by 2 years old
Your toddler should talk by 2 years and be understood by 3 years.
To learn more about speech and language development and when to get help to support your child:
- Visit your local Family Resource Network to pick up a copy of the Ages and Stages Questionnaire (ASQ) for your child’s age.
- To find your local Family Resource Network, visit Government of Alberta – Provincial Family Resource Networks – Service Provider Search
- Check out the Talk Box.
- Call Health Link at 811 or talk with your health care provider to find information about speech and language services in your area or if you have any questions.
If you’re concerned about your child’s speech and language development, it’s important to act early. For more information about speech and language development, visit MyHealth.Alberta.ca – Speech, Language and Hearing.
Emotions
- Learning about emotions
- Learning to regulate emotions
In this Section:
Learning about emotions
As toddlers develop, the way they understand and show their feelings changes. Toddlers have strong emotions. With your help, they can learn to better understand and talk about their emotions.
Young toddlers:
- Feel anxiety and frustration in addition to earlier emotions
- Begin to recognize they have their own feelings
- Don’t yet have the words to express how they feel, so they often show their emotions with their bodies
- Have little ability to manage their feelings or control their impulses such as biting and hitting
- Can be afraid of strange people, objects, animals or events—they can become anxious when separated from their parents. Learn more about separation anxiety.
- Begin to recognize that other people have emotions too
- Don’t yet understand other people’s feelings or views
Older toddlers:
- Feel emotions very strongly and express them with their bodies, whether they’re happy, mad or sad
- Can be overwhelmed by their feelings
- Can get upset when they’re asked to do something they don’t want to do
- Are easily frustrated when they can’t do what they’re trying to do
- Are starting to learn how emotions make them feel inside
- Need help learning how to talk about the way they feel
Your older toddler’s ability to think is developing. When you name their emotion and show that you understand, you’re building connections between the emotional and thinking parts of their brain. The next step is to help your toddler learn to show their emotions in ways that will not hurt them or others. This process will take many years to develop. Your child will need lots of help and practice.
Help your toddler understand and cope with their feelings
- Describe and show empathy—give them a name for their feelings. Help them see that you understand by using a kind voice to say things like, “I see you’re mad. You really wanted that toy.”
- Distract. Use another interesting toy, game or song to distract them.
- Redirect. Change the activity or move it to a more suitable place.
Learning to regulate emotions
Older toddlers show their emotions with physical reactions because they don’t have the words to use yet. When they’re excited, your toddler may jump, skip and laugh loudly. When they’re upset, they may yell, throw things, hit or bite. You may be surprised by the level of your toddler’s aggressive behaviour, but know that it may be the only way they know how to express themselves right now. Your toddler needs your help to learn other ways to show their frustration.
Let your child know that you accept their feelings, even if their behaviour is not okay. You can help your toddler begin to manage their emotions by providing warmth and structure. Here are some examples:
Provide warmth
- Be patient—remember they’re just learning.
- Accept your toddler’s feelings and let them know you understand.
- Don’t make fun of or laugh at them when they’re upset or afraid.
- Stay calm and help your child learn to be calm.
Provide structure
- First, name the feeling and show them you understand. Limit behaviour that could hurt them or other people and say things such as, “I see you’re angry. It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to bite.”
- Explain your reasons in words your toddler can understand, such as “Biting hurts people.”
- Give them one or two ideas for what they can do instead. This could include making a mad face, sitting with you to calm down, taking a deep breath, using their words to tell you how they’re feeling, walking away or hugging their stuffed toy.
- As they get older, ask them what they think they could do, rather than telling them what to do. With lots of practice, they’ll be able to think of these ideas when they’re on their own.
Learning to solve problems
Children can solve problems and deal with conflict better once they can regulate their emotions. They’ll need your help to build these skills over the next few years.
“Parenting is as easy as being the person you are, and as difficult as being the person you want to be.”
~Sanjeev, dad of three children
Play
- Supporting learning through play and attachment
- Encouraging play
- Active play
- Creative play
- Pretend play
- Telling stories
In this Section:
Supporting learning through play and attachment
Your toddler’s days are a constant cycle of moving away from you to explore and play, and coming back to you to connect and feel safe. This cycle happens many times every day.
When your toddler feels a secure connection, they:
- will be confident to move away from you to play
- know that you’ll protect them
Your toddler may:
- poke or pick up objects and try to figure out how they work
- walk or run without worrying about where you are
- be curious about the world around them
- not want your help and say “No” and run away from you
When your toddler needs to feel connected and secure, they:
- come back to you
- may need your comfort to feel more confident to explore and play
Your toddler may:
- reach to be picked up
- ask for a hug or want to cuddle
- need to touch or cling to you
- follow you or look for you
- want to tell you about their discoveries
Your toddler’s learning and attachment get stronger when you provide warmth and structure. Here are some examples:
Provide warmth
- Be excited about their discoveries. Let them show you how their toy works or tell you the story in a book.
- Welcome them back when they need to connect with you—they may return to you often, so be patient.
- Remember they do not know what’s safe or dangerous yet.
- Give them time to do what they can—offer help only if they need it or ask for it.
Provide structure
- Be clear about what they can and cannot do. Use simple words to explain why, for example, “We have to hold hands in the parking lot so a car doesn’t hit you,” or “You can run and jump when we get to the park.”
- Distract and redirect:
- Shift their attention to another activity (distract). For example, if they start to get upset, say “Let’s go read a book.”
- Move your toddler or their activity to a more suitable place (redirect). Say things like, “We don’t colour on the walls. Here’s some paper. What would you like to draw?”
- Change your expectations and limits to match your child’s development as they grow.
Encouraging play
Play builds healthy bodies and minds and is important for your toddler’s growth and development. Your toddler learns by playing. They’ll still want to play with you, however, they’ll also need time to play on their own and with others. Toddlers are starting to use their hands and minds to build and create. They learn different things from different objects and activities. Their skill and co-ordination will improve, especially if they have the chance to learn simple games and practice their skills in large spaces.
Encourage your toddler’s natural curiosity:
- Observe what they’re doing—watch to see what they’re interested in and what they’re trying to do.
- Play together—with a similar toy and follow your child’s lead. Wait for them to engage you when they’re ready.
- Extend their play—ask a few simple, open-ended questions such as, “What do you think the puppy will do now?” or “I wonder how you could make that tower taller?”
Make sure their play environment is safe. Start talking about safety by using simple words and phrases like “Hot!” or “That will hurt,” so they’ll start to learn about danger. Supervise your toddler at all times and remind them about dangers often. Your toddler is still a few years away from knowing how to stay safe from danger.
You can provide a safe environment for your toddler and help them feel like they belong. Here are some ideas:
- Create a special place for books and toys.
- Put things they use a lot within their reach.
- Make some changes to your home such as lowering the coat hook on the wall so they can reach and hang their coat and keeping a sturdy, non-slip step stool in the bathroom so they can reach the sink.
- Put away anything that’s valuable or breakable.
- Remove and lock up anything that could harm your toddler.
“I do miss the baby stages in some ways, but I love the learning and intellectual growth that comes later, too! It’s all about building a strong foundation together!”
~Cara, mom of a toddler
Have fun with your toddler and encourage them to play
- Be active. Go on a nature walk. Make a sandcastle or snowman. Dance freely to music and copy their moves.
- Play with objects. Bring out the paper, glue, crayons, blocks and yarn and let your child create whatever they want. Get them to tell you about it.
- Pretend. Put together a box of old jackets, purses, shirts and hats and enjoy the fun of putting them on. Pretend you’re different animals. Pour water into dirt and make mud pies.
- Tell stories. Read books and tell stories about their favourite activities.
Screen time
Screen time is not recommended for children under 2 years of age. Limit screen time to 1 hour or less each day for children 2 years of age and older.
If your toddler watches something, be sure it’s something that is suitable for their age. Take time to talk about what they’re watching to help them understand how it relates to the real world.
As one of the main ways children learn is by watching others, your screen time use and habits really matter. Your child will learn these habits from you so be sure to model what you want them to learn. Pay attention to your own screen time and think about what messages you’re sending your child. It may help to create a plan for your family to show that limiting screen time is important for everyone. Learn more about sedentary behaviour, play and screen time.
Role model screen time use
Your child will learn screen time use and habits from you. Develop a family plan for screen time.
Active play
Your toddler is getting more co-ordinated and wants to try new movements. Young toddlers may still need to hold onto furniture or your hand to walk. Once your toddler is walking steadily, they’ll start to run. They’ll also try to climb on the furniture and into open cupboards. You can expect a few bumps and stumbles as they learn to watch out for things in their own way.
As toddlers get older, they can:
- walk backwards or sideways when pulling a toy
- jump with both feet
- walk up stairs
- squat when they play
- play with ride-on toys
Being active is an important part of everyday life for the whole family. You can play inside or outdoors. Being outdoors helps build your child’s connection to nature and their community. Be sure to actively supervise your toddler when they’re climbing or exploring.
You promote healthy behaviours for your whole family when you:
- go for regular walks around your neighbourhood
- play in your backyard or a playground
- push the furniture to the edge of a room and use the open floor space for activities
- are a role model by being physically active
Toddlers need to be active for at least 180 minutes (3 hours) spread throughout the day. Limit sitting in places such as a high chair or a stroller to no longer than 1 hour at a time. Your toddler will be more interested in playing and being active if you limit the time they spend being inactive, like watching TV or playing on a tablet.
Your toddler needs time and space for active play. Learn more about active play.
Creative play
Your toddler’s hands are also getting more co-ordinated. Your young toddler will clap their hands, use a spoon, and put things into containers and dump them back out. Your older toddler will draw with crayons and put 2–10 pieces of simple puzzles together.
Your toddler may also:
- roll a ball and make towers with blocks
- scribble with crayons and copy circles and lines
- move a zipper up and down and put on their shoes—they’ll still need your help doing them up
It’s the act of creating that is important and more beneficial for your child, not what they create. Let them tell you about what they have made.
Start with easier board puzzles and try harder ones as your toddler’s skill improves. Join the fun by taking turns putting the pieces into the puzzle. Drawing on a chalkboard on the wall or painting on an easel helps develop their arm strength and skill to hold and use a pencil or crayon. The more your child plays, the more they learn and develop.
Here are examples of activities and the skills they help your child develop:
Type of activity | Helps your child: |
---|---|
building with blocks | build their hand-eye co-ordination and imaginary thinking |
doing puzzles | develop problem-solving skills |
creating art | learn to express themselves in creative ways |
modelling clay, dough, paint and paper | making things they experience in their world and learn to create |
Pretend play
Toddlers learn about life and develop their imaginations by pretending. They may pretend to take a nap, feed their stuffed animals or give their doll a bath. At first, they’ll use objects that look like the real thing, such as using a toy shovel as a shovel. Before long, their pretend play becomes more advanced and objects can be anything they can imagine them to be.
You may notice your toddler talking to themselves as they play. Talking out loud:
- helps your toddler start to organize their thinking
- helps them learn to solve problems and cope with emotions
- develops self-talk (inner speech)—something adults use to organize their thoughts
As their talking skills improve, toddlers start to include other children and adults in their pretend play.
Encouraging pretend play
- Follow what your toddler does. It lets them know their ideas are important.
- Let everyday activities be play. Take turns and pretend with them. Take turns putting socks in the washer when you’re doing laundry. Pretend to be restaurant servers when you’re setting the table.
- Show and play by using objects in different ways. Try using a banana as a phone and a wooden spoon as a microphone and watch their imagination grow.
- Use active listening. Listen when playing. Make comments to keep the conversation going, like “Hmm,” “I see,” or “And then what happened?”
Telling stories
Toddlers are starting to share stories. You encourage learning through stories when you:
- Share books, stories and songs.
- Talk about what you did during the day and what will happen tomorrow or in the future.
- Share family pictures and stories about special occasions.
- Encourage your toddler to act out or tell a family member their favourite story.
- Act out a story about a new experience such as the first day of preschool or a visit to the dentist, so they know what to expect.
Interacting with others
Playing with others
Toddlers start to notice other children of all ages more and want to be around them. However, your toddler might not get along with others right away. Some children learn social skills quickly and others will need more practice to learn how to get along with others. Your toddler will learn this with time, practice and help from you and others—especially when they spend time with people who model and encourage sharing, taking turns and communicating in a positive way.
As toddlers develop, the way they play changes. There are also differences between how young and older toddlers play.
How young toddlers play
- play by themselves, with you and with other adults they know
- like to watch other children and copy what they see
- cannot follow rules yet
- need constant attention with you or an adult close by (active supervision)
How older toddlers play
- begin to play on their own for short periods, yet still need to have you close by
- like to be with other children
- play beside one another, but usually not together
- are more aware of themselves as separate people
- like to copy you and help with simple chores
- need you to set fair and consistent limits to keep them safe
Young toddlers are learning to take turns
It’s better if each child has their own toy to play with so they don’t have to share yet. Offer some toys like balls to encourage young toddlers to interact and take turns.
Older toddlers are learning to share
Give older toddlers lots of practice taking turns doing things like rolling a ball back and forth. This skill will help them learn to share.
Toddler property laws
If I like it, it’s mine.
If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If we are building something together, all of the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it’s mine.
If it’s broken, it’s yours!
~Author Unknown
Building healthy relationships
You communicate with your toddler through your words and actions. When you talk with your toddler, get their attention first. Stop what you’re doing and call their name. Wait for them to look at you before talking. How you communicate with your toddler will help them learn this important skill to help them build their own relationships with others in the future.
Use communication to build your relationship with your toddler:
- Show pleasure. Tell your child how pleased you are when they learn new things and act in ways that are okay. Make sure your voice and face match your emotion. For example, if your child zips up their coat and says, “Yes!”, match their excitement and say “You did it!”
- Use the sound of your voice. If you’re concerned, sound concerned. If you want your child to stop throwing their food, tell them to stop, firmly without yelling. Then tell them what you want them to do instead, for example, “Leave your food on your plate, please.”
- Getting down to their level. When your child talks to you, squat down so your eyes are level with theirs, if possible. Even when you’re busy, turn and look at them.
- Really listen. Listen and respond to what your child says and to their thoughts and feelings.
- Keep it simple. Children need simple rules and limits suited to their age. Keep information short and use words your child understands. For example, use short rules that tell them what you want them to do such as, “You need to walk,” instead of “Don’t run.”
Teaching positive behaviour
- Helping your toddler learn positive behaviour
- Praise or encouragement?
- Teaching co-operation
In this Section:
Helping your toddler learn positive behaviour
All children need and want their parents’ attention. If your toddler only gets your attention when they’re behaving in ways that are not okay, they may continue these behaviours because they need you to notice them. Busy parents can sometimes forget to notice the times when their children behave in ways that are more positive. When you focus on your child’s positive behaviour, you’re likely to see more of it. Encourage them with things such as smiles, hugs, saying “Thank you” and commenting about what they’re doing. This kind of encouragement helps your toddler learn.
Here are some other ways to help your toddler learn positive behaviour:
- Set up your home so you can say “No” as little as possible. Remove or lock up dangerous items and objects. Put things your toddler can use at their level. Use plastic cups, toy baskets, low, secure bookshelves and coat hooks so they can learn to do some things on their own.
- Treat your child with respect. Think about what they’re trying to do, listen to their point of view and help them learn what to do next time. This is how they learn to treat you and others with respect.
- Notice and comment on what they’ve done when they behave in a way that you want to encourage. Be specific such as saying something like, “Thank you for putting away your toys. Now no one will trip or hurt themselves.” This will have more effect than a simple “Good job!”
- Explain and be consistent. When your child does something that is not okay, tell them what they did, why it’s not okay and what they can do next time instead. Be consistent whenever this happens, so they know which behaviours are not okay.
- Toddlers need repetition. Know that your toddlers won’t remember things you’ve told them before. A toddler’s brain is still forming connections in the thinking part of the brain. You may have to repeat what you say many, many times for those connections to get strong enough for them to remember.
- Model problem-solving. Talk through the steps as you deal with a problem. If your toddler spills their mashed peas on the floor, calmly say, “Uh oh, we have a problem. What do we need to do?” Wait to see if they have an idea and then help them clean up. This gives them the words they’ll need to problem-solve. Learn more about solving conflicts.
Praise or encouragement?
Many parents use praise when they’re happy with the way their children are behaving (e.g., “Good job!” or “You’re so smart.”). The challenge is that praise loses its meaning for children when used too much.
Encouragement is more descriptive and helps your child be more aware that their actions are appreciated (e.g., “Thank you for picking up your toys and putting them away. That is a big help.”). Encouragement helps your child feel good about themselves and builds their confidence and self-esteem.
Give your child encouragement more often than praise to help them feel good about themselves and build their ability to rely on themselves. To learn more, download: Praise and Encouragement
Teaching co-operation
When your child learns to work with others to get things done (co-operation) at home, they’ll have more success co-operating with other children and later at school.
You can help your child learn to co-operate by providing warmth and structure.
Provide warmth
- Have reasonable expectations. Know what toddlers can and cannot do.
- Have fun. Toddlers like to be with you and please you.
- Be positive. Use positive requests instead of negative commands. “Please use your spoon,” will likely work better than “Don’t eat with your fingers.”
Provide structure
- Prepare for what comes next. Give your toddler a 5-minute warning before they need to change activities. For example, say something like, “We’ll need to go in 5 minutes.” You could set a timer so they can learn what 5 minutes feels like.
- Give choices between two things when you can, as long as both choices are available and acceptable. Offer choices like, “Would you like the blue or green pyjamas?”
- Do not give a choice if there isn’t one. This could include times such as when your child needs to brush their teeth or go to bed.
- Keep it interesting by rotating toys and books every week or so. You can borrow books from the library or toys from a toy-lending library, if there’s one in your area.
- Build routines. When things are done the same way each time your child learns what’s expected. For example, make clean-up fun with a special song and they’ll learn that cleaning up is part of play.